New Message
by DearGlasses
Summary: His omni-tool glowed softly, drawing him out of his dream with the gentle beep of an incoming message.


**Title: **New Message**  
Summary: **His omni-tool glowed softly, drawing him out of his dream with the gentle beep of an incoming message.**  
Rating: **K**  
Author's Note: **:| Flashbaaaaaaaaaaacks!

* * *

His omni-tool glowed softly, drawing him out of his dream with the gentle beep of an incoming message. Blankly, he sat up, blinked, and shook his head, trying to hold on to the last traces of his dream. But they slipped away all too quickly, and he was soon contemplating darkness. His omni-tool beeped again. He checked his inbox. The first was the standard Alliance newsletter, informing all troops and personnel dates of importance, M.I.A.s, and the odd tip about weapon maintenance. He scanned the newsletter and deleted it. Nothing new. The second was from... _Shepard._ Hesitating, he opened it.

_Kaidan-_

_ You once asked me why I joined the Alliance, but I couldn't answer you. … I grew up on Mindoir, a tiny farming colony on the fringes of the Traverse. Batarian slavers attacked, and my entire family, my friends, were killed. I had nothing left, so I joined the Alliance. Not to avenge my family. Not to prevent slavers attacking other colonies. I had _nothing, _and I wanted to die. There was nothing left tying me to the universe, but I was afraid. Cowardly. The Alliance was a way for me to die without killing myself. I endured boot camp, basic training, to see action and hope I'd be K.I.A. I followed orders to the letter, no heroics. I was just some faceless soldier. And I rose through the ranks _because_ I followed orders so well. _Because _of what happened at Akuze. I kept damning myself, thinking it should have been the other way around, I died and those fifty marines lived. And then, I was transferred to the Normandy. I met you, Kaidan, and Joker and Captain Anderson, and it was like I had a family again. I had something to live for. I started fighting harder, taking more risks because I _needed _to see you again, to keep you safe, keep everyone safe. And we kept digging ourselves into a deeper pit of trouble, until we finally realized we were on a suicide mission. And you... you became more than a friend, and I knew that this was way more than I signed up for, but I was okay with that. I had you, and the Normandy, and nothing could go wrong. But it did. Virmire was one of the most painful decisions of my life, and every day I wonder what I could have done to make things different. But the past is set in stone, and I can't change what happened. You and I... we saw some terrible things. Cerberus did some of these things. You know what happened to Admiral Kahoku. I would _never _willingly work with them. Right now, I don't have a choice. I just want you to know two things. I haven't stopped thinking about you. You are _always_ on my mind. And... I love you. I _remember_ Ilos. I'll never forget. So... please... give me another chance._

_ -Shepard_

He read quickly, devouring word after word and had to go through a second time, and a third. He had no doubt it was from her, but his mind struggled to remember when he had asked her that. Slowly, the memory floated up to the surface.

_They had gone out for drinks after Saren and Sovereign's defeat. Dr. Chakwas had just finished a long winded ridiculous story, detailing the horrors she had to endure to get brandy from the Citadel. One of the crewmen he hadn't recognized asked the doctor how she ended up in the Alliance. She shrugged him off and pointed him towards Shepard, who told Chakwas' story for her. Later, when they were alone, he asked Shepard why she joined up. But she became distant, and tried to change the subject. Tried to get away._

He had no idea of what really happened to her. Yes, he'd read her file, he knew the gist of it. _But she'd wanted to die._ An intense desire to find her, to hold her close, overcame him, and he started a reply. The cursor blinked, waiting for letters, numbers, words he couldn't say. He couldn't say them. Not yet.


End file.
